11 Reasons to Stop Talking and Start Listening

Mitch Anthony

Have you ever watched the Sunday morning political talk shows where there are four or five political columnists, all brimming over with opinions to the point that none of them can let any of the others finish a thought without being interrupted? This game of “opinionous interruptus” reaches its climax on each respective issue when the host offers an opinion-ending pontification with a tone that implies, “This thought is so final and incisive that there is no need to discuss this issue any further.”

Everybody is talking and nobody is listening––they’re just waiting for their turn to talk. People are fighting for the spotlight and hoping to be seen as the authority. It sounds an awful lot like the typical meeting or conversation. The conversations you enter into today may likely have the same emotional undercurrents that we see animated in an over-the-top fashion on these political debate shows:

• People want to be heard.
• People want their opinions to be appreciated.
• People enjoy having the spotlight.
• Control of a conversation requires talking.

If you’ve ever had a conversation where the other party couldn’t ask enough questions about you, where you felt like you were talking to a biographer who was trying to capture the essence of your life and your world, you would certainly remember that conversation. Those sorts of conversations are so rare that most of us can count the number we have had in our lifetimes on one hand!

It stands to reason that if you are the individual stimulating these sorts of conversations with your clients, you will be the one standing out––like one tall stalk of wheat among a field bowed together by the winds of narcissism. It’s easy to identify the truly curious because unfortunately, there are so few of them. If you want to stand out as an advisor, you need to be one of the few.

As an advisor, there is a clear benefit to asking intelligent questions––in fact, there are 11:

 1.  A good question allows people their space on the stage of life.

 2.  Inquiry elevates their intellect and reason.

 3.  Intelligent inquiry recognizes an individual’s uniqueness.

 4.  Questions reveal priorities and issues of importance.

 5.  Good questions raise personal awareness and often help save clients from

      themselves.

 6.  Good questions have a disarming effect.

 7.  Biographical inquiry reveals possible connection points.

 8.  Good questions turn conversations into a fascinating journey instead of a “death

      march”.

 9.  Questions unlock the memory bank.

10. Questions allow the client to be the copilot instead of the passenger.

11. You may actually learn something.

Great minds––and great advisors––have always looked for better questions because they are intensely curious. They understand that asking great questions, and really listening to the answers, puts them head and shoulders above everyone else:

• Asking the right questions and listening to a client’s responses demonstrates your confidence in what you do––you aren’t afraid to take a back seat to your client. You don’t need to do all of the talking.
• Asking the right questions and listening to a client’s responses provides you with a competitive edge by revealing things about your clients you can only learn through knowing how to ask and how to listen. Clients will remember how you treated them (and they’ll be sure everyone else remembers as well).

Einstein wanted to know. DaVinci wanted to know. You want to know. Great discovery emanates from an authentic well of curiosity. It’s not about simply asking questions. It’s about knowing what it is you want to know and designing questions that will draw those stories out. It’s about asking the questions…and listening to the responses.

Adapted from Your Client’s Story: Know Your Clients and the Rest Will Follow by Scott West and Mitch Anthony (©2005 by Mitch Anthony and Scott West).  Available at http://www.mitchanthony.com/BOOK_Your_Clients_Story.html.

Mitch Anthony is the founder and president of Advisor Insights Inc. and The Financial Life Planning Institute, global training companies serving advisors and the financial services industry. He is the author of several books for advisors including StorySelling for Financial Advisors. Mitch’s newest book, The Cash in the Hat is available from Insights Press (http://mitchanthony.com/BOOK_Cash_in_the_Hat.html). Mitch Anthony is a contributing editor for Research magazine and his column “Financial Life Planning” appears in Financial Advisor magazine. He has been named a “Mover & Shaker” by Financial Planning magazine and is frequently quoted by the media as an expert on financial life planning.

Contact him at mitch@mitchanthony.com.

© 2008 Mitch Anthony